All my childhood, what I could feel about my mother was , she is a vampire. she had been suffering from chronic bipolar illness and many a times she had been staying out of our lives, and when with us, all i could remember was the days of terror, her mood swings and all those bad days.

I grew up, passed my 10th, slowly started recognizing her value, but very slowly, I reached college and then i can remember being in love with her, i can remember trying to support her at least at times, against my fathers autonomy, but I don’t know, if i always stood by her. Childhood  was like( at least I felt like ) i was brought up by a single parent, mom was neglected but cant say if am to be blamed, is it her illness, is it my fathers approach, cant say,

But now she is gone and i can say, for all the times other than those periods of illness, she used to be the best mother on earth, I don’t know if she loved me as much as she loved her beloved son, but i know she was the best.  For what i have done, for not knowing the value of that treasure I had when it was with me, I am suffering now, i feel lonely, i feel I am being punished.

How can I ask for forgiveness, she is gone, I cant pray to her, because I believe, once the soul has gone out of the body, they don’t have any more worldly belongings or attachments , so what could possibly be done.